in sickness and in illness
by Mein Liebling
Summary: Five times Sirius got sick, and one time it was the bastard Remus who did. : "You're an asshole." Sirius muttered, although the tissue that he kept pressed to his face muffled his words. "Not just a regular asshole, the asshole. The biggest asshole in the world. You suck, Remus."


_i._

"You're an asshole." Sirius muttered, although the tissue that he kept pressed to his face muffled his words. "Not just a regular asshole, the asshole. The biggest asshole in the world. You suck, Remus."

"You bet he does!" James remarked from the other side of the room, lying on his own bed covered in mountains of coated snot and get-well cards. "In so many ways, not just the sexual one, and the fact that the bastard isn't sick."

Remus just smiled serenely. "I should have you know that since Peter and I are the only ones not sick, we have complete control over what to do with you two. Withholding Pepper-Ups, taking away tissue boxes-"

"I get it, you He-Devil." Sirius groaned. "Just shut up and give me the darn Pepper-Up."

"Me too." James called from his own bed. "And stop with all these hidden innuendos, I don't want to hear it."

* * *

 _ii._

"I swear to Merlin, Remus, if you don't stop smiling at that book, I'm going to start think you're reading a porn book and leaving me out of this."

Remus wrinkled his nose. "That's gross, Sirius."

"Hey, I had to do something to get your attention." Sirius, trapped in bed with mysterious pocks dotting his skin, replied. "Now, I'm serious-"

"And I'm Remus, yes, Sirius, this got old during First Year-"

Sirius continued on, "What are you reading?"

Remus sighed and scooted his chair closer to his friend's bed. "It's a book on poems."

Sirius gave him a blank look.

"Tell me you know what poems are." he said tiredly.

"Of course I know what poems are- Jamie might not, but I sure do."

James let out an 'Oi!' from the bathroom.

"Great, well now that we are certain you know what poems are, I shall read you one."

"Oh god no. No, don't do this to me Remus," Sirius pleaded. "The last time I heard poetry was when Peter wrote that disastrous love letter to Mary-"

Peter looked offended. "Excuse you? Disastrous? I got laid!"

"Did not need to know that, Wormtail." James groaned from the bathroom.

"-and I do not want to hear anything that sounds remotely like 'Mary Wary you're eyes are very beautiful and twenty galleons could not compare to the way they sparkle'-"

"That was not what I said at all!"

Remus just picked up his book and read very loudly over the two bickering friends, "When I have fears that may cease to be, before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain-"

"Remus, shut up!" James yelled.

* * *

 _iii._

"I can't believe I'm missing Hogsmeade for this." Sirius complained. His skin was clear this time- and by clear, that meant that it was crystal clear and transparent, so much that Remus could see through all of his bones and organs through to the other side of the bed. It would have been cool if it wasn't disturbing.

"I can. And you should be thankful. I heard that Marlene was planning on ditching you for a Slytherin."

Sirius looked affronted. "What? How could she? I'm like, the most attractive person in the whole school!"

Remus coughed. Sirius hastily added on, "Besides you of course, Remmie, you're looking fine as always."

Remus remarked dryly, "Gee, thanks. But the Slytherin was girl, if you were wondering."

Sirius thought about it for a second, before he inclined his head. "Hey, I don't blame her. Some of them are babes. Some. But no one's as cute as you, Remmie-Poo."

"I feel so loved."

* * *

 _iv._

 _"REMUS I REALLY HATE TO ASK YOU THIS BUT SOMEONE TOOK MY CLOTHES."_

"Sirius- I literally just put them down in there for you-"

 _"REMUS THEY'RE GONE THOUGH I CAN'T BE SEEN LIKE THIS."_

"Sirius, no one wants to see you like that, the feeling is mutual-"

" _I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU REMUS I REALLY WILL."_

"Just- okay, fine, I get you some clothes." Remus sighed and picked up Sirius' robe, and threw it into the bathroom. "There, happy?"

 _"VERY."_ Sirius stepped out of the bathroom a few seconds later, after checking to make sure that the room was clear except for Remus.

"So, what are you going to do now?"

 _"I REALLY DON'T KNOW. I FEEL LIKE EATING. DO WE HAVE ANY FOOD?"_

"Well, no, but-"

 _"REMUS I'M STARVING, CAN YOU GO GET US SOME FOOD?"_

Remus groaned on the inside, but on the outside he just nodded. "Fine. Sirius, go lay down."

"DO I HAVE TO?"

"Yes."

 _"OKAY."_

* * *

 _v._

"Remus?"

Remus looked up from his spot on his bed, and saw Sirius sitting up. "Yeah? Sirius, you really shouldn't be getting up, the potion isn't going to flush out of your system for a couple days."

Sirius deflated. "Really? Damn it. But that wasn't what I was asking. Have you noticed anything wrong with Jamie and Pete recently?"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. "How so?"

"Like, Jamie has been giggling whenever we talk together and then he and Pete share a look that makes them look constipated, and then they practically skip out of the room, leaving us alone."

"Oh dear. That is suspicious."

Sirius rubbed his forehead. "Yeah. Any ideas on what they could be giggling about?"

Remus thought about it for a second, and shook his head. "No, but if I do, I'll tell you."

Sirius sighed. "Okay then."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Hey, Remmie? Do you think I could-"

"Sirius, you are not leaving that bed."

"Ughhhh." Sirius complained. "This sucks."

* * *

 _and i._

"Ha! Ha! You son of a bitch, now it's your turn!" Sirius cackled evilly, as he handed Remus another box of tissues. "All those times you kept on forcing me to stay in bed and being such an ass- well, it's my turn now!"

"Sirius-" Remus wheezed.

"Do you understand my pain now, Remus? Do you?" Sirius kept the Pepper-Up out of Remus' reach. "Oh god, this feels great. I thought you'd never get sick, but it's my turn now, you bastard!"

James and Peter watched the two of them from the doorway.

"Ten sickles Remus throws him out." Peter betted.

"Nah, mate, that's a suckers bet. Ten sickles they end up revealing their love for each other."

Peter thought about it. "No way, my bet's still on for Christmas. I'll take it."

James and Peter shook hands.

"We should probably stop Sirius from killing Remus now, I don't think Remus will last much longer."

"Mate, no, let's stay. This is something I want to see."

* * *

 _ **piece of crap piece of shit god this was so hard to write this wasnt what i wanted to write either ughgughghgh**_

 _ **for ql using otp wolfstar with various illnesses and 'crystal clear' 'when i have fears' and 'coated'.**_

 _ **i dont own hp.**_


End file.
